Happy New Year
Sunday, January 18, 2004 --  4:47pm
Posted by Bar


It's been a very long time, but you all have not been far from my 
thoughts.  The holidays have come and gone and I am grateful for that.  We 
enjoyed ourselves very much, but there's something about the extended time 
off and the emotions that come up for everyone which is really tiring.  
Peter and I stayed home and enjoyed the quiet.  Very nice.  I hope that 
yours were pleasant for you too.  

Believe it or not, it's nearly two years since Forrest died.  One of these 
days he will have been dead longer than he was alive and that's 
unbelievable to me.  I remember hoping that ten years would pass when we 
didn't know whether he would live or die.  I just didn't think that I 
could live in limbo much longer.  I knew that not-knowing was wearing me 
out and I needed to rest.  No doubt that ten years will be here soon.  
These days I am not as anxious for time to fly, but I do know that the 
passage of time has eased some of my pain.  

I thought that I would let you know that I am finally writing a book in 
earnest.  I guess that might explain why I haven't written directly to you 
for the last few months.  I write in spurts and then take the time I need 
to recover.  The whole thing exhausts me but also purges me in a way that 
is good.  In the long run, my hope is that the book will be useful and 
comforting to others going through pediatric cancer, or to anyone who 
loves life.  The subject is so intense, and yet I feel so much better when 
I write it all down.  As always, your input is most welcome.  I will be 
using a lot of the e-mails I wrote during Forrest's life and thereafter, 
but the book will be held together by the writing that I am doing now.  I 
found that when I finally read all of those e-mails (475 plus pages !!  - 
YIKES!), that the story line needed to be filled-in in order to make sense 
of it all for someone coming in after the story had begun.  There's also a 
fair amount of reflection that has to happen and getting facts straight 
that I hadn't gotten right before.  No doubt a great editor will be 
necessary to bring it all together.  I suspect it will take me the better 
part of this year to write it, and quite a while longer to have it printed 
or published.  Needless to say, I will let you know how things progress.  

Peter is doing fine - working hard and slowly getting back into the swing 
of things just as I am.  We seem to be getting along better.  Even now, 
kindness towards one another is the key for us.  I guess that's the same 
for everyone.  We are making plans for a woodshop for him and an addition 
on the house that will act as a studio for me.  At the moment, his 
woodshop is crammed into one corner of the basement directly across the 
hall from the room my studio is crammed into.  The proximity of our 
creative lives makes it impossible for both of us to play at the same 
time, so we're spreading out.  He makes noise; I need quiet.  Not a 
productive combination.  The best part of our plans to expand is that we 
are making plans at all.  A year ago, the future seemed nearly impossible 
to imagine.  Now we have much to look forward to and that is good news.  

Finally, I wanted to let you know about an e-mail I got today from a friend urging me to buy the new breast cancer find-the-cure postage stamps. I'm spreading the word because I think it's a great opportunity for all of us to easily effect the progress of breast cancer research. So if you're needing stamps, or even if you're not, buy a book. It's money well-spent and could very well make a real difference in people's lives. Have a peaceful new year everybody. Enjoy this cold weather if you're here in the northeast. Much love, Bar

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